Back by Popular Demand

I found out last night that my blog has become an important part of all your lives. So, even though I am taking a break from internet dating, I've decided to keep the blog going.

Why am I taking a break? Well, there are many reasons. The first is that the whole dating thing is kind of exhausting. It's particularly exhausting when you stress about meeting someone all day and then within 3 seconds of meeting them you know it's just not going to happen for you and now you need to spend the next 4 hours of your life making small talk. I've thought of many ways to make a quick exit from this sort of meeting without hurting anyone's feelings, but it's kind of tricky. I suppose the reality is that at some point there will be some guy who, as soon as he sees me, will be thinking - gawd - how am I gonna get out of this one? And I wonder what I'd prefer:
- for him to have one drink and then for us to part ways, or
- for him to force himself to spend an evening with me?
I'm thinking one drink and head for the hills.

The second reason I am taking a break is because I've been finding this whole dating thing a bit depressing. I've never been a big dater. If I've ever gone on a date with someone, it's someone I've already known and I know that I already like them. So going on dates with random men just makes you realise how difficult it is to find someone you really connect with.

Of course, there is always that bottle of tequila and the chance of meeting my Dr McDreamy in a bar somewhere? So, if anyone is looking for me this bank holiday weekend, I'll be hanging around hospital pubs in a pvc nurses uniform.

The Rooster

First off, let me just say that the Rooster's photograph was somewhat misleading. Clearly, this it not the end of the world, but most certainly worth a mention.

I met the Rooster mid afternoon yesterday. He is an Essex boy. Please don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with an Essex boy, innit? Some of my best friends are from Essex. But that's what he is. A big drinker. And he smokes. As you can see, my cons list is already filling up.

After a week on the detox, I sucked back a vodka lime and then had a frozen Margarita. My eyes must have slowly moved down to half mast at which point I decided to stop sucking back the booze. Although, I have to say, the booze did help me enjoy his company more than I would have sobre. We then had an early dinner - at 5pm. And he paid. One for the pros column.

The Rooster and I have some things in common. We are both foodies and we both love good wine. But once again I am struck by the problem of not wanting to snog the Rooster even though the Rooster wants to snog me.

We parted ways at around 7.45pm which was a massive bonus as I made it home in time for the daily soap and ER. Perfect.

Since parting ways the Rooster has sent me 5 text messages and an email. The text messages keep on coming even though I have not responded. I am now fearing for my safety.

So, as you may have guessed, although the Rooster was on the "maybe ok for a second date" list last night, he is now firmly on the "never to be seen again no matter what" list.

I shall have to let him down gently.

p.s. he just sent me a text to say he is eating sushi for lunch. Say no more.

Another week, another date

I have another date on Thursday. This time it's with a banker. I am a bit ambivalent about said date but will try and psych myself up over the next few days to make sure that after meeting me, date is not ambivalent at all. Date must fall madly, wildly in love with me.

I suppose the thing about dating a lot is that you increase your chances of being rejected. This is clearly a scary thought but it is going to happen sooner or later. I'm hoping later though. Or never. But let's face it, chances are slim.

I have turned down two dates this week:
1) with andy the poet. I think with poetry like that, there is a good chance he is a sloppy kisser;
2) with a russian/arabic dental surgeon. I believe dentists have the highest suicide rate so I am not going down that route. Actually, there is a theory it's because of the mercury in dental fillings as mercury poisoning leads to depression.

Don't say I don't tell you anything important!

Happy Friday

I received this today from Andy. I have to admit being in a rotten mood this morning but this did bring a smile to my face:

Hi
As our famous bard said Faint Heart never won Fair Lady. So herewith written by my own fair hand:

For I have gazed upon that face of beautifully coloured skin
What within her head thoughts and desires lies therein
For that infectious smile beguiles and leaves the mind to guess
For I desire to gaze upon those inviting eyes that you possess
For will you not grant the time to wine and dine
and in your company I might just shine
And we can talk as the drink will flow
anticipating something more intimate might grow
For the art of conversation is surely the first step to take
The chance lies within your hands a decision for you to make
For you might share your heart's inner desires
Of love of Knights Chargers and Dreaming Spires
All I ask is a few minutes of your time
To take heed of this poem and its rhyme
An invitation which might just be your fate
Can you not take a risk with but one single date

Love Your Ardent Poet!Andy x

Onwards and upwards

I took the chicken's way out and sent The Nightingale an email telling him he is a great guy but I'm just not in the right frame of mind to continue seeing him. He may have taken it badly as I have not heard from him following a few calls and texts from him on Monday. I feel relieved.

Although I now have dating fatigue, I potentially have two further dates lined up for next weekend. One is with a political advisor (yawn) and the other is with someone in music (why again?). I don't think either of the two are suitable to be honest so I may have to ignore their calls. The political advisor sounded terribly posh on the phone but he is only 1cm taller than me. The music guy is quite hot but has a daughter. I suppose at my age though, some of the men I will attract will already have children.

The deal clincher is neither pose any sort of threat to my new found singledom. But, could either pose a solution to the one night stand debacle?

Bye bye birdie

I wish I fancied The Nightingale. He really is a lovely bird but he just ain't the bird for me. This may, however, come as somewhat of a surprise to The Nightingale after we had a 14-year-old snogging session at the bus stop last night. When his bus arrived and he said, see you soon, I knew we would not be seeing each other soon. I shall have to communicate this to him when he calls which I am not looking forward to.

I forgot that this is the way it is. The people who like you, you don't like and vice versa.

I have also decided to hit a few bars in town with two of my single friends. I am now ready to prop up a bar and make meaningless eye contact with would be suitors. Instant gratification is what it's all about.

Internet rejection

It's not always easy being an internet dater. Following my signing up with the new site, I started to send out emails to prospective suitors. Mostly, with internet dating, if someone doesn't fancy you they just ignore your email. Somehow, this makes things easier. However, when someone responds to your email and tells you that "you are not the perfect match", it hurts. Firstly, how does this person know we aren't the perfect match? Yes, I can hear you all thinking, "No wonder he's single!" That's just what I thought.

To pick myself up from this internet rejection, I went out and ate caviar. Ludicrous behaviour, but what is a girl to do? Today, though, there is a possibility that caviar is not for me. Either that or I am incredibly nervous for my date with The Nightingale this evening.

Prince Charming?

I received this note from "Prince Charming" today:
So stranger, hows you, how was your weekend, amazing weather, i suppose flattery gets me everywhere but I'm being honest in saying i think you really are so beautiful...Well id love to potentially sweep you off your feet, well that shouldn't be a problem...I'm intelligent, cheeky and confident and i live life to its full and i cant tell you where id take you as that would spoil the secret but trust me ill make sure you have the biggest smile on your face by the end of the night...You only live once and i love spontaneity so be adventurous and lets have a friendly chat and see if we click and text me or let me be the gentleman if u like and leave me your number on here,

Who calls themself "Prince Charming"?
Once I've finished spewing into my bin, shall I contact him?
Go ahead - call me a hopeless romantic.

Perhaps no lunch for me today

Membership at Only Lunch is £650 for 6 months. YES - that's exactly what I was thinking. Mind you, they have doctors on their books. I love a good doctor. It can also be deduced that the men that are on their books:
- have £650 to blow on dating (therefore, they must be loaded);
- are clearly committed to finding a wife.

Do any of you have £650 for me?

Go on - donate to my charity.
I dare you.

Searching for new talent

In the panic that ensued following my successful date with The Nightingale, I decided to spread my wings and search for new talent. My memberhip with the religious internet dating site expired yesterday and after looking through 311 candidates and being suitable unimpressed, I decided to join another site. It's a fantastic site because you pick a friend who writes your profile for you. I picked my friend Shiny because she is pretty cool and has a way with words.

The men on the site seem interesting. Actually, they are hot - I don't really give a toss how interesting they are. Most of the people who have written about them are their "friend-girls" or "girl-friends". They say things like, "Richard is wonderful. It amazes me he hasn't been snapped up yet." I desperately want to write back, "well love, it's probably because he is totally in love with you." Shiny also gets to suggest potential suitors for me. She picked someone of 73 yesterday. I wonder if she was joking?

I also have an interview today with a "lunchtime dating service". Oh yes - matchmakers. This I think is quite fantastic. They interview you and then set you up on 90 minute lunchtime dates with potential suitors. It will be interesting to see who people I have never met before, and who will only know me from an hour interview, will set me up with. I wonder if I have delusions of grandeur or if I am really as wonderful and as gorgeous as my mother says?